“Do you know you are entering a military base?” “No.”

We left Kartschner Caverns State Park and drove to Parker Canyon Lake in the Sierra Vista Ranger District. 

We have had some occasions on our road trip where it feels like we leave our world and enter an alternative universe.  It was one of those days.

We didn’t take the most direct route to Parker Canyon Lake because we wanted to go to the Sierra Vista Ranger Station and get hiking maps and information about Lakeview campground. 

At the Ranger Station we asked how to get to Parker Canyon Lake and were told to go through Fort Huachuca.  That sounded cool—an old fort!  Maybe we could get a bumper sticker!

We were told we might need to show our “registration,” whatever that meant.  I thought it meant our Golden Age Pass for National Parks and Forests. 

So we are tooling along, heading for Parker Canyon Lake by going through old, scenic, historic Fort Huachuca, following Google Maps, and make a left turn, and all of a sudden are confronted with what appears to be a border patrol station, of the kind that one runs into a lot in this part of the country.

And about a million signs. Here are only a few that we could get as we passed them:

So we drive up to the gate, expecting to show our Golden Age Pass (although it was feeling a bit weird by this point).  That’s when I had the following conversation with a nice man with a gun:

“Can I see your identification?”

Me:  “You mean our driver’s licenses?”

“Do you know you are entering a military base?”

Me:  “no.”

“Are you citizens of the United States?”

Me:  “yes.” 

“What’s your destination?”

Me:  “uh....camping?"

“Did you see the sign?  You are supposed to have your identification ready.  Next time have it ready.”

Me:  “There are a million signs out there.”

“That’s what your navigator is for.” 

Me:  “Screw you and the entire military industrial complex.”

Or, maybe I just sheepishly drove away.  I guess he thought we were safe--that no terrorist could possibly put on the befuddled-snowbird act that we had just put on for him.  

But now we find ourselves on a military base!  We don’t want to be on a military base.  We want to be camping.  And we remember, somehow, in the dark recesses of our minds, the friendly guy at the Ranger Station saying something about going out the “west gate,” although that made no sense to us at the time. 

By now we realize that our thought that Fort Huachuca was an old Army Fort for guarding settlers against Apaches was a little stupid.  It is, instead, for training people to protect us against non-existent Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq…..and we wanted out!  

This is what we thought it was:

And this is what it is:

But how do you get out?  Although there were lots of signs before you got in, there weren’t any for how to get out. The floor didn’t light up showing the exit like it does on our airline flights.  We weren’t even sure which way was west. 

So, doing the best we could, we drove as far as possible from the main exit, figuring the other exit would be on the other side.  Vicky said go here, turn here, etc., and finally, we saw a sign and got to the west gate. 

When we got close, we saw this sign.   

We have never seen another, and as far as we can tell it means you are not supposed to drive your vehicle into a brick wall.  Next time I go there I’ll be sure to tell the nice man with a gun at the gate that I fully intend to obey the signs and not drive my car into a brick wall.  I think he will be pleased.

And then we were back in the real world.

For a little while.

We saw signs to Parker Canyon Lake and followed them on a beautiful road.  Vicky was a bit disappointed because it wasn’t as much of a near-death experience on this road as it has been on some she has found for us, but I enjoyed being able to drive without having my knuckles turn white. 

There was snow along the side of the road, and at one point on the road.  Later we learned it was from a snow they had before Christmas.  

We entered the Coronado National Forest, and were, like we were in the Chiricahua Mountains, confronted with the following sign:

 

“Smuggling and illegal immigration may be encountered in this area?”

As Vicky pointed out, what does this mean we are supposed to do?  Stop it ourselves?  (Be like Gomer Pyle in the Andy Griffith show?  “Citizens A-Ray-est!  Citizens A-Ray-est!”)  Get autographs?  Buy drugs and start using them now that the state of Washington has made marijuana legal?  Take pictures?  

I find these signs offensive.  If there are drug smugglers in this area, then instead of putting up worthless warning signs, DO SOMETHING!

Here we drive through this incredibly costly military base today which supposedly protects us against enemies we create ourselves by starting worthless and expensive wars, and yet we are on our own to protect ourselves against drug smugglers….with the exception of a sign.  Thanks Mr. United States Government.

We found the campground, and got a good spot.  It is relatively empty which, according to the camp host, is unusual and only because there wasn’t much rain this year so there aren’t as many quail.  So the quail hunters aren’t here.  Apparently, usually the campground is full with them, and their dogs, and their generators.  Great. So sorry we missed that party.

I guess at least if they were here there would also be lots of big guns here too. 

We had planned on taking a hike the next day around the lake.  The brochure we got at the Ranger Station had this to say about the hike:

“A five mile trail leads around the shoreline never getting more than a few steps from the water.  The Parker Lakeshore Trail offers excellent vantage points from which to enjoy the ducks and other waterfowl that are invariably bobbling on the lake’s clear waters.  Some of these points even have benches and interpretive signs.  Bald eagles and osprey are regularly sighted in this area, as are spring warblers and hummingbirds in season.  On the terrestrial side, Coues white-tail deer can frequently be seen browsing among the oaks and grasses that surround the lake and in the two campgrounds near its shores.  Coatimundi, javelin, and roadrunners, three animals that are about as southwestern as you can get, make occasional appearances as well.”

Sounds lovely, doesn’t it? 

We asked the host about hiking in the area, and he gave us the information.  He also mentioned taking a weapon but wisely didn’t advise using it—advising instead to ignore anybody we saw.   And explained about how drug “mules” weren’t like the people running the cartels, but were more like ordinary people.   He also said that a gun was useless because anybody who was dangerous had bigger guns than even the border patrol.  I guess they have close ground support.    

Oh, and on our way here we saw, over the Huachuca Mountains, a blimp, of all things.  Really looked out of place in the middle of the mountains.

The camp host informed us that it is not advertising a pizza joint or a car dealership, but instead is a border patrol blimp that has cameras that are so precise that one time he was sitting in a restaurant and a guy, out of the blue, identified him as the camp host just from the photos from the blimp.  Now, I ask you, how are we to pee in the wilderness with something like that watching us? 

According to him, he was told that about 2000 people PER MONTH are caught in the district.  I’m not sure what district he meant, though.  But that’s a lot of people even if the district is the state of Arizona. 

Happy hiking, Dan and Vicky!  Maybe you’ll see Bambi today!

It’s the first camp host we have ever had who explained proper etiquette for running into drug smugglers on a hike.  There are pamphlets for bears and mountain lions at the Ranger Stations, but not for drug and people smugglers.  (The strategy is similar in some ways, but different in others, in case you are interested.  For example, you are not to raise your arms and backpacks to appear larger to drug smugglers).

The guy is from the area and has hosted at campgrounds in this area for years.  He seemed legit, and certainly nothing he said was out of bounds considering the rows of border patrol cars we had seen at a check station about 20 miles from here, the signs, and the blimp.  So we appreciated his input.  And we listened, intently.  He also had lots of interesting information about the lake and the area. 

But, oddly and even more surrealistically, the campground is exceptionally nice, and, contrary to what we have seen in so many other places, has recently been renovated--new bear-proof trash cans, new restrooms, and new roads  There are dozens of bear proof trash cans in this one campground, but not a single one in the Gila National Monument or the many campgrounds in the Gila National Forest surrounding it. 'Splain that, Lucy.

And miracle of miracles for a National Forest or National Park, RECYCLING!  The first we have seen in any National Forest campground or Ranger Station.  The camp host said that was his idea, so kudos to him for that too.  Two big thumbs up, once again for the Coronado National Forest.

Tomorrow we go out hiking, after recycling our aluminum cans of course, to take a sweet hike in nature around a lake in the United States, needing to arm ourselves even though we are only 15 miles from a military base where, instead of protecting us against real threats, I get a lecture because we missed reading one of the million signs and I didn’t have my driver’s license ready.

Next day.  The Hike:

We talked with the camp host again to check specifically on the hike we wanted to take, and he “guaranteed” it would be safe. 

So off we went, and had a nice time.  About 5.3 miles without much elevation gain.  We frequently went through snow, saw lots of water fowl, and no other hikers.

Here we are where we caught the trail.  A border patrol vehicle to remind us, once again, that we are only 8 miles from the border, and that the world can be crazy enough that decent people have to try to gain entry to our wonderful country because they have few options for a good life if they do not, and to do this have to deal with people who probably aren’t decent and so we have to also.  Is there an answer?  I admire them, actually, and also respect the job the Border Patrol is doing.  Complete contradiction, I know, but that’s the reason it is craziness.  

 

But I draw the line at the drug smugglers.  That’s who we are avoiding, and who I resent having to avoid parts of our country I want to visit and explore because of.  Drugs are evil.  The State of Washington recently passed a law legalizing marijuana, and I voted against it.  I have only seen death and human destruction from drugs, up close and personal in my work, and the line has to be drawn somewhere I think.  I know reasonable people feel otherwise.  Another one of those places where an answer probably doesn’t really exist, and we try to force reality to fit our comfortable feeling that an answer does exist. 

But, for today, with the host’s assurance, with the presence of a Border Patrol car (and probably one or two Border Patrol agents somewhere on the trail), and with how public and visible a lake trail is, we felt safe.  And had a terrific hike.