We have reached a milestone. A significant one.
This is what the milestone is: We have reached the point in our lives where we can no longer defeat the process of aging and be able to continue to have the life we have had together.
Instead, we have to admit that the process of aging is larger than us, more powerful than our willpower, inevitable (not a choice) and relentless. And unfeeling. It's kind of weird when you own body doesn't give a crap about you.
Instead of having medical/aging problems that gradually slow us down but that we can, with effort, get back ahead of, we now have medical/aging problems that get ahead of us.....and stay there.
They are beating us.....we are no longer able to beat them.
It's something that everyone faces. We are fortunate that we have lived long enough to have to face this devil.
So we have to give up some important parts of who we are as a couple.
I had been able to come back from open heart surgery and treatment (awful treatment) of a serious prostate cancer. Both seem to have been licked (miraculously), but time will tell.
And Vicky's back has never been normal since she was rear-ended 30 years ago. Backs deteriorate with time, but hers got a massive head start on that.
Then I had that unexpected heart attack a year ago....despite exercising two hours a day for several years, eating a heart-healthy diet, having low cholesterol, and having great blood pressure.
I haven't recovered from that heart attack. We've tried, of course. We got out camping a few times last year, we hiked an hour a day from our cabin many times, we danced, and we tried to cycle. But it was all at a significantly reduced level. Significantly reduced level. For example, in 2023 we cycled 5000 miles. In 2024 we cycled 800 miles. We didn't even hike 100 miles last year. 10 years earlier we had hiked 100 miles in Joshua Tree National Park alone....in about two weeks time!
Two big changes from the heart attack. One is that I take 5 medicines every day...just for that. That's not a typo. And they all have weird side effects. In fact, because of all of the medicines we both take, we have a new definition of "date night:"
The second change is that because I am on blood thinners I can no longer take NSAIDS. I have been fighting back against wide-spread and at times debilitating arthritis for almost 25 years. Several surgeries on my shoulder and on my foot, for example, Both wrists starting to hurt 2-3 years ago from arthritis, making shifting gears while cycling more difficult.
And then, in the late fall, I fell and broke my wrist while hiking. Just tripped. Both feet at the same time hit roots on the trail, so had no feet to break my fall.
This ended dancing for awhile and cycling for three months now.
Last year we did very little cycling on the rim. Basically we stopped doing that. We cycled some in Pine, but those roads are not filled with rocks and ruts like they are on the Rim. In our previous years of cycling we had each fallen occasionally when hitting very soft sand or a rock.
Last year, in Leisure World, Vicky hit a weird place on a sidewalk when cycling and took a tumble. She landed on her knee, which has been giving her trouble off and on since that time.
Another consideration about cycling in the challenging places (i.e., on the Rim and on the Leisure World golf paths at night) is that I am taking blood thinners, so a fall could be much more serious.
Currently we are facing two additional challenges. One is that I need a pacemaker. My heart doesn't always beat correctly to push the blood to my body. That surgery is scheduled for next week. We are hopeful that this will help a bit in getting my energy back to where it was before the heart attack.
And then, three days ago, while Vicky and I were walking on the golf course trails very early in the morning (i.e., in the dark), Vicky slipped and hit the concrete very hard. She slipped on ice, if you can believe that could happen in Mesa, Arizona. We have walked and cycled thousands of miles in Leisure World at night, and have never even seen ice.
Her arm/wrist is totally messed up. She will be getting surgery to have a plate put into her arm in three days. So, no more cycling for her for several weeks, even if we were going to cycle.
Too many changes to our bodies in too short of a time. We need to read this all very carefully. And listen.
And this is what we hear when we listen: We can't do what we used to do.
It's a loss because we have enjoyed it all.
We will no longer take months-long road trips the way we used to. We can't be away from doctors and hospitals. We had, in the past 14 years, traveled 55,000 miles across this wonderful country of ours, camping in some 350 different spots. Most of them were dispersed sites. A video of our dispersed sites.
But we can still go camping on the Rim and within short distances.
We can't do the type of hiking we used to do, but we can hike for shorter distances and less frequently. We've gotten close to 5000 hiking miles all over the country in less than 14 years, taking 976 hikes in that time frame. A "hike" is defined as wearing a backpack and being in the desert or mountains. We have an untold number of walking miles in addition to hiking miles that are not included in that total.
We can no longer cycle in the way we used to. So we are selling our e-bikes. We can't afford a fall. After we sell those, we will purchase e-trikes. We can still ride those safely around Leisure World. We won't be able to cycle around Pine, though, because we have no way of transporting them to Pine.
During our marriage we have cycled 33,000 miles. In less than 14 years. Over 1600 times we got out on our bikes in that time frame. In our 60s and 70s, and we have had incredible joys. Indescribable joys. And incredible feelings of triumph.......like we get from our grandchildren.
But we can still dance. It won't be as easy and as smooth as it used to be until Vicky's arm heals, but there is no reason we can't get it all back.
And of all of the things we do together, other than having deep and meaningful relationships with our grandchildren, dancing is the most important to us. We met at a dance. In fact, my first words to Vicky were "Can I have a dance?"
So, despite all that has happened to our bodies, we get to choose what happens with our thoughts. And I will always be able to say to my wife: "Can I have a dance?"
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