I am feeling so happy.
My body will never recover. I am trying testosterone treatments now, in the hope that I will have my old energy and enthusiasm and staying-power back. It involves putting a cream on my chest every day, and then being careful to not touch Vicky until it dries. I don’t want her growing a beard (that’s not a joke, actually, it can happen). then I have to take a shower every afternoon to wash it off so I can still hold Vicky when I sleep.Last week I got two cortisone shots in my wrists because they are so full of arthritis. And I can’t take anti-inflammatories. I know this is some repetition, but it’s just so nice to talk to you! I don’t think the shots are working, but maybe a little bit. I”ll give it more time.
We are going to do what we can. We are planning a camping trip this week, up to one of our favorite spots—a grasslands area where there is an old, abandoned farmstead. We like to imagine the peoples’ lives. This is the place we want to have our ashes spread, so we’ll get the coordinates and work on a map. It’s not hard to get to.
Candice is running her attempt at the record for women on the AZT, so we have been involved some in that. Keep your fingers crossed. We had been riding our bikes for one hour every morning instead of for two. We continue to dance, nothing has interfered with that (thank god).
We do less walking—hurts both of us too much. We’ll find out about hiking this week when we camp.
After taking the body blows and the rapid deterioration in my body (and the slower one in Vicky’s body), I think we have reached a new point of peace in our lives. We are, after all, getting older, and the only alternative to getting older is worse.
And mostly we realize how fortunate I have been, how incredibly fortunate. Our families give us great peace and happiness, and doing things for grandchildren is now even more of a life focus. And importantly, we keep in mind that I have been really really lucky in my health problems. Except for that Urology PA I would have died 6 years ago of a heart attack. It was ready to blow by the time we got into surgery, and he is the ONLY doctor who could hear my heart murmur, which got me to the Cardiologist. And then it appears as if I have a really good chance of having caught my cancer early….good thing or I would be dead by now (it’s that aggressive, unlike most men’s prostate cancer).
Then, to have a heart attack with Vicky there who did the CPR. If we weren’t always together, I could have laid on that bed while she was playing pickleball or something like that.
Here is another thing I think about, in trying to figure out the meaning of life. All of my life I have had prostate problems—infection after infection. In fact, 30 years or so ago the urologists started just giving me antibiotics so I could diagnose and treat myself. Yet, it was those same chronic prostate problems that made it so that I was seeing an urology office when my heart problem was first diagnosed. So, what had been, all of my adult life, something that was painful and a hassle ended up being a life-saver. What an amazing part of my life.
We moved to the cabin this week. Getting too hot in the valley to be able to be outside except in the dark and early morning. Lots of heavy lifting and moving. Hard for me, hard for vicky because of her back that continues to deteriorate. But we did it. And had fun. Rewarding in that way. We are a great team, so could coordinate how we hauled stuff into the shed and into the house. yesterday we spent some hours sitting on our back deck, just looking at the trees.
I feel like we have both “come to terms with” (always hated that trite phrase, and now find I need it) our deteriorating bodies and my illnesses, and each day progressively look forward to what we have rather than feeling down about what we have lost.
Vicky is making me a “book” of my childhood photos. I am picking out the photos. I have spent a lot of time on it, and am enjoying it. Doing that has given me a deeper awareness that I had a really good childhood. But not only that, I can see in the photos how happy I made my mom and dad’s lives. Just like you and Jules did for me. People to love, grandchildren, and loving other people is the best feeling on the planet.
Thanks for contacting me. I obviously needed to be in touch with you today. :)
Love, Dad and Grandma Vicky
p.s. as we do everything in our lives, Vicky read through this and made suggestions. She called it my “thesis.” I don’t get that. She said next time you’ll text instead of email.
After taking the body blows and the rapid deterioration in my body (and the slower one in Vicky’s body), I think we have reached a new point of peace in our lives. We are, after all, getting older, and the only alternative to getting older is worse.
And mostly we realize how fortunate I have been, how incredibly fortunate. Our families give us great peace and happiness, and doing things for grandchildren is now even more of a life focus. And importantly, we keep in mind that I have been really really lucky in my health problems. Except for that Urology PA I would have died 6 years ago of a heart attack. It was ready to blow by the time we got into surgery, and he is the ONLY doctor who could hear my heart murmur, which got me to the Cardiologist. And then it appears as if I have a really good chance of having caught my cancer early….good thing or I would be dead by now (it’s that aggressive, unlike most men’s prostate cancer).
Then, to have a heart attack with Vicky there who did the CPR. If we weren’t always together, I could have laid on that bed while she was playing pickleball or something like that.
Here is another thing I think about, in trying to figure out the meaning of life. All of my life I have had prostate problems—infection after infection. In fact, 30 years or so ago the urologists started just giving me antibiotics so I could diagnose and treat myself. Yet, it was those same chronic prostate problems that made it so that I was seeing an urology office when my heart problem was first diagnosed. So, what had been, all of my adult life, something that was painful and a hassle ended up being a life-saver. What an amazing part of my life.
We moved to the cabin this week. Getting too hot in the valley to be able to be outside except in the dark and early morning. Lots of heavy lifting and moving. Hard for me, hard for vicky because of her back that continues to deteriorate. But we did it. And had fun. Rewarding in that way. We are a great team, so could coordinate how we hauled stuff into the shed and into the house. yesterday we spent some hours sitting on our back deck, just looking at the trees.
I feel like we have both “come to terms with” (always hated that trite phrase, and now find I need it) our deteriorating bodies and my illnesses, and each day progressively look forward to what we have rather than feeling down about what we have lost.
Vicky is making me a “book” of my childhood photos. I am picking out the photos. I have spent a lot of time on it, and am enjoying it. Doing that has given me a deeper awareness that I had a really good childhood. But not only that, I can see in the photos how happy I made my mom and dad’s lives. Just like you and Jules did for me. People to love, grandchildren, and loving other people is the best feeling on the planet.
Thanks for contacting me. I obviously needed to be in touch with you today. :)
Love, Dad and Grandma Vicky
p.s. as we do everything in our lives, Vicky read through this and made suggestions. She called it my “thesis.” I don’t get that. She said next time you’ll text instead of email.
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