State of Florida’s SunPass Turnpike System in a word: GOTCHA!!!!

In planning our route to the Everglades and Key West, we noticed that several of the roads are “Turnpikes.” Haven’t run into that before, so we checked it out to see how much change we should acquire to put into the little bins.

HA HA HA HA HA!

Gone are the days of dumping coins into a bin, or getting a little piece of cardboard at a booth and then paying at another booth when you exit. NOPE. We find you need to buy something called a SunPass, (odd name since we haven’t had sun in any of the four days we have been in Florida). Otherwise, we will get bills sent to our home in Washington, and since we won’t be home for a long time to get them, we didn’t want that.

First question: Why toll roads? Doesn’t Florida get enough money from tourists to afford real highways? Seems like an obvious attempt to gig tourists.

Of course, you can always use the state highways instead of the turnpikes if you wish. That is, if you like stoplights and strip malls.

So, for $4.99 (plus tax) we buy a Sunpass at a grocery store.

We activate it, set up an on-line account, put money into our account, put the sticker on our windshield and off we go!

Oh wait a minute......something isn't working.

We go through a couple of toll “ booths” and a sign lights up that says that we are not registered. Will part of our road trip include the Florida State Prison?

So, while I’m driving, and watching the rear view mirrors for State Patrol cars who are obviously on to me, and looking overhead for helicopters that are directing their manhunt, Vicky calls the 800 number.

I listen as she enters our Sunpass number and “PIN” over and over and over, finally getting a live body (because our call is important to the State of Florida), only to find out that we made a HORRIBLE mistake! An UNFORGIVEABLE error!. I hope we can dash across the state line to Alabama before we get caught.
Know what our sin is? We moved our sticker 18 inches on our windshield.

I had put it on the lower left part of the windshield, following the instructions on the packaging and sticker as closely as I could, although it seemed weird because the sticker side was toward the outside and was totally gray. To make sure I had attached it correctly, I walked around the parking lot to check out other cars, and observed that most people put them below the rear view window. So, I figure, I’ll do what they do, after all they live here and must know something I don’t know, and moved it from the left top corner to below the rear view window.

Well, Katherine Harris, come get me. If you can make all of those voters disappear, I hate to think what you can do to us.

Come to find out, when I moved it, I INVALIDATED IT.

..........I WHAT? YES, you are reading that correctly.

So what do we do? Which lane do we go through on these toll roads? After all we are already on one. So we call again to ask, and Vicky enters our numbers again, and again and again. Takes a long time to get a live body again, even though our call is important to the State of Florida
.
Vicky asks: How are we supposed to know something as obscure as that we shouldn’t move the sticker from one part of our windshield to another?

Answer: It’s on our instruction sheet.

OK.

Here is the packaging for the Sunpass. There is nothing indicating that you have one chance to attach it and one chance only. C’mon. Who would ever assume something like this? SAY IT IN BIG LETTERS RIGHT ON THE PASS ITSELF OR ON THE PACKAGE.

Here is the instruction sheet we were supposed to read. I'm serious. This really is it. And this is not in several different languages--this side of the sheet is the complete English version. It is about 8 inches by 30 inches, and folds up to be about 2x2.

If we had read it before we left the parking lot of the grocery store we’d still be there.

Yes, it is there. See it? NO? OK. Let me blow it up for you. I highlighted it. The woman who took our call because our call was important to the State of Florida was spot on--right there in black and white, as clear as a bell, as plain as the nose on your face.

Here we are, trying to reach a destination, and we need to carry with us our own personal attorney to read the fine print just to lawfully drive on a highway. This key instruction is not anywhere on the actual card we purchased, or on the packaging, or in the instructions for mounting. Instead, it is buried in a mountain of verbiage on a small insert that one would need a magnifying glass to read.


“Can we get credit for the price of the card that now does us no good?”

Answer: NO.

But, cheerfully: “You can buy another one!”

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